Tuesday, 15 November 2016

The Internal Ramblings of a Fashion Victim Vol. 3

The Returns...

Well, us fashionistas are known to return things once in a while – often when the guilt of a purchase eats away at us and ‘common sense’ prevails. We have built up the purchase, now we have to psych ourselves into the return – which, lets admit is, is a daunting prospect!

So you have the item and you are ready to make the return, you have read the policy, you are within the guidelines and you have the receipt or email and its in perfect condition. You have practised the speech, covering all the bases of why and have settled on a ‘phrase’.   

Ok you are ready, time to make the trip into the store– you open the door, and you are filled with dread – what if they ask you lots of questions, what if they are mean to you – what if they judge me!!! All the inner monologue of a fashionista caught in a return dilemma. Keep calm!

Deep breath and “I would like to return this please” – you are often greeted with a semi –nice response of “is there anything wrong with it” – that’s fine you can handle this, you are prepared – you have rehearsed this – and you utter “Nope, just don’t like it”. You don’t need to tell them that you cannot afford to eat if you keep it and you longingly look at it daily, filled with lust of its magnificentness! Or the fact that your arse looks like a lumpy pillow in the awful fabric – no one needs to know – it can just be a secret! But, what’s this, they want to chat to you – no, that wasn’t in your plan – they want to distract you, while they get a manager, show you other equally lovely things they ‘know’ you will like. The trickery!

What is happening – you need the money back – you don’t need to exchange it – stay strong – you can do it! And then you see it –the perfect piece you have longed for – all hope of a balanced bank account is gone – you are their slave – you have fallen into their trap.  They tell you the super powers the item possesses, why you need it and then finish with grand slam “its on offer with 10% off right now”.

I am positive that sales assistants take classes in witchery – with all their smiles, and magic words that make you agree with them and purchase things – Hogwarts illumni I am sure.

So your easy return has now resulted in an exchange, and you are giving them more money to pay the difference! Epic fail – you have fallen into the trap and are now going to have to find another store location to make this return – repeating the whole process again! But this time, you will prevail, you will come out on top – you have to, or its beans on toast for the rest o the month!

The lesson in this is to shop online, surely! You don’t need to purchase from a person/witch, who tricks you into purchasing fabulous things. Nope, the computer power rules! A simple, easy fill in the form and send it back job – yes please – online shopping it is.... but first you need to set the online shopping mood, the new imac in rose gold – a total necessity!  A selection of candles from Jo Malone and the ‘perfect’ drink in the fabulous glassware you just saw in Zara – so a quick nip round the shops to prepare yourself for your future of ‘hassle free’ online shopping – sorted! How clever you are!